Are You Living Your Life for Others? (And How to Stop)

I had no idea who I was when no one else was watching.

Belinda Basson

There was a moment, standing in my kitchen, phone in hand, about to cancel plans I'd been looking forward to, when I realised I was doing it again. Living for everyone else's comfort except my own.

My Personal Story

I'd spent years believing that being "good" meant saying yes when I wanted to say no, staying quiet when I had something important to contribute, and making myself smaller so others could feel bigger. The exhaustion was bone-deep, but I told myself it was just "being considerate."

It wasn't until I caught myself rehearsing conversations and practicing how to ask for what I needed without seeming "too much", that the truth hit me: I had no idea who I was when no one else was watching.

The woman I'd become was a carefully curated version designed to earn approval, avoid conflict, and keep everyone comfortable. But in trying to be everything to everyone, I'd lost myself completely.

What This Means for You

Maybe you've felt this way too. Maybe you find yourself changing your opinions based on who's in the room, or staying in situations that drain you because leaving feels "selfish." Maybe you've become so skilled at reading what others need that you've forgotten how to hear your own voice.

If you've ever looked in the mirror and wondered who you're trying to impress, you're not alone. And you're definitely not broken.

Here's the truth I had to learn the hard way: Living for others' approval isn't kindness. It's a prison. And the key to freedom isn't becoming selfish; it's remembering that your worth isn't negotiable.

The Hidden Cost of People-Pleasing

When we live our lives for others, we don't just lose ourselves; we lose our capacity to show up authentically in relationships. We become:

• Decision-paralysed: Waiting for permission or approval before taking action

• Relationship-drained: Accepting less than we deserve because we're afraid of being alone

• Energy-depleted: Constantly managing others' emotions at the expense of our own

• Dream-deferred: Avoiding our goals because someone might disapprove

The cruel irony? The very people we're trying to please often lose respect for us when we have no boundaries.

The Foundation: Self-Awareness Before Self-Change

Real transformation doesn't start with changing behaviour. It starts with understanding why we give our power away in the first place. Most self-help advice tells you to "just set boundaries" or "love yourself more," but that's like telling someone to "just be confident." It misses the deeper patterns at play.

There are five core areas where low self-worth shows up in daily life:

1. Inner Confidence vs. External Validation

Do you believe you have value regardless of others' opinions, or does your worth fluctuate based on approval?

2. Boundaries and Voice

Can you say no without guilt and express your needs clearly, or do you avoid conflict at all costs?

3. Relationship Patterns

Do you believe you deserve healthy, supportive relationships, or do you stay in situations that drain you?

4. Emotional Resilience

Can you forgive yourself for mistakes and handle setbacks with compassion, or do you replay failures endlessly?

5. Growth and Freedom

Do you feel motivated to grow into your best self, or do you feel stuck and powerless to change?

The breakthrough comes when you identify which areas need the most attention. Generic advice fails because it doesn't account for your unique patterns.

But Here's What Changes Everything

You can't fix what you don't acknowledge. Real self-worth transformation starts with honest self-assessment. Getting clear on where you currently stand so you can focus your energy where it matters most is key.

I've created a comprehensive Self-Worth Assessment that measures these five core areas. It takes three minutes and gives you clarity on exactly where to focus your energy for maximum impact.

Instead of guessing why you feel stuck, you'll know precisely which patterns are keeping you trapped, and more importantly, the specific steps that will set you free.

Key Takeaways

• Living for others' approval is a prison, not kindness.

• Self-worth challenges show up in five predictable areas.

• Transformation starts with awareness, not willpower.

• Your patterns are unique. Your solution should be too.

Final Encouragement

You don't have to live your life on someone else's terms. You don't have to earn your worth or apologise for taking up space. The person you were meant to be, before the world told you who to be, is still there, waiting.

Healing isn't linear, but it's always worth it. And it starts with one simple question: "What would I do if I truly believed I was enough?"

Cheering for you always,

Belinda

P.S. If this resonated with you, I invite you to take the Self-Worth Assessment below. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply get honest about where you are. Don't let the world define you. Let's ReDefine together.

Take Your Self-Worth Assessment Here(3 minutes to clarity)